I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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