connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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