is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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