Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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