I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
