Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We left the knife in your bed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
