I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So vagazzling was a success
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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