I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
