Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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