and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
