Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
