they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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