Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
