break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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