I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
