I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
