He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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