Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
