If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
