so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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