would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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