How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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