i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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