I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
