I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
