just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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