I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
