East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think my fart just growled at me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When did angry sex become our thing?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
