too bad you live with your parents still
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
