just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
