Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
