Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize