Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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