iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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