I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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