I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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