it hurts more in the daytime
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
