I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
