maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
