i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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