I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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