I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
