Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
