Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
