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I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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