I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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