whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
