new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
