No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
