I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need water and some morals
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize