i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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