Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
