sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
