I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
