i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
