You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
