If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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