...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
