She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
