So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This baby is an asshole
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
