I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize