Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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