I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
