I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
