Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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