You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
