can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
