Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And then he peed in my hair
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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