Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
