His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
