Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
