So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
