all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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