I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
