like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
