picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
