There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
