I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
