M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
