He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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