you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
